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Old dog learns a new trick

. I found a new trick

.. Something to do with food I hope

. When I smell the boss having some good food, I just wait until he has a big mouthful, walk into the middle of the floor, take a big crap, turn around and start eating it and he spits all that good food everywhere

.. My boss gets mad, she starts squawking and puts it in one of her lunch bags, I see her in the back yard bagging her lunch all the time. But I do like licking the pizza from the top of your head

. I can’t believe she likes your vegan crap, it has no flavor, eat a dead rat once in a while for that extra aroma

.. Every time I drag something home she puts it in the lunch bag, she takes all the good stuff for lunch, then she seals up that giant bag full of the best smelling stuff and takes off. When she finally comes back a year or two later it’s all gone

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Clocks

. Do you ever look at those things on the wall that are always telling the boss what to do

.. I can never hear what they are saying, but my boss starts swearing at it a lot, it must be nagging a lot. Like when I’m looking for a place to go, and she thinks you can crap just anywhere.

. I like the one that buzzes in the mornings, it really gets the day off to a wild start

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Trash cans

. My boss is very community oriented, carries baggies, picks up my poop and usually leaves in the homeless bins. Have you smelled those bins they have for the peasants?

.. Yes, I like to knock them over and roll in it, the bath part sucks.

. Our homeless guy always puts the lid back on tight, I can’t get into our bin. That truck they have sure smells good, I could sniff that thing all day, walk 6′ away, turn around and do it again.

.. I once thought my boss was depressed and decided to take a big crap for her, to cheer her up. I wouldn’t advise using the dining room , seems to make things worse.

. Yeah, can make them so happy sometimes they put it in a bag and keep it, sometimes they act like you had a choice “WHY DID YOU DO THAT!”,

.. Yeah, they wonder why we sniff around, just looking for that safe spot. Just like on the trail, find the spot where the other guy did his job and you have plausible deniability.

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Happy Ending

. I think, therefore I think

.. Did you just think that up

. Do cats think they think?

.. They have mind control abilities

. I tried to use mind control on the boss, kept thinking – pee, pee, pee – that didn’t turn out good, mind controlled myself

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What are you writing?

. Planet of the Dogs

.. Dogs like us?

. Like some of us

. = dog 1, .. = dog 2, just in case!

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Yesterday

:

I woke up feeling like a new dog today, then the boss called me by my old name and reality set in.

::

I woke up feeling like a new dog after the last trip to the vet, kept getting the feeling something was missing, then she took that cone off and depression set in. I just tremble when she gets the leash now, first my tail, the ears and now I just mope around all day wishing I had my balls back.

:

That is something they should of told us in puppy school, don’t set around and lick anything you want to keep.

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Who’s the boss

:

My boss thinks he runs his life, guess what boss!

There was that time a couple years ago, when he was not responding to the constant playing of the life game and he stood there totally lost.

::

Seen my boss do that once, then the TV told her to do something and it was back on the same old horse.

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Fleas

:

Is the earth fighting back, nature has a way of dealing with parasites. The worst blight on the planet is humans, we seem to be in a war with nature.

::

We need to leave ourselves a note on what not to do after the Anthropocene extinction.

:

Maybe build a big pyramid with warnings on it or a giant library with all the earths knowledge, you know things that the new humans wouldn’t destroy…..

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Trying to figure things out

:

I like my kennel, sometimes outside gets weird

Walking around, just waiting for it

Stop, take a leak, all hell breaks loose NO NO NO

Boss rubs my nose in the piss (I already did, again is alright)

Rubs my nose in Spot’s crap (That was the highlight of the day)

Next thing I know I’m back in the kennel

::

Why do they do that?

My thinking is it makes my breath smell better

So I always make sure I lick my ass before kissing his face

:

I’ve smelled your ass, nothing wrong there

I’m gonna start licking Spot’s ass, before giving kisses

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More crap

Boss keeps taking cat to the vet

Says he’s not crapping enough, I agree!

But it would sure taste a lot better

If the cat didn’t bury it